Is Being A Jealous Boyfriend Or Girlfriend A Bad Thing?

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Recently I was asked by a friend if I felt being a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend was a bad thing.  I know immediately the answer “YES!!!” pops up into just about everybody’s mind, but lets sit and think about it for a moment.    Sure no one wants somebody breathing down their neck 24/7, but if mate didn’t act a tiny bit jealous how would you feel?  I’ve been in a relationship for over 2 years and my boyfriend shows little to no jealousy at all.  I ask him about it especially when it comes to me hanging out with male friends why he acts as if he doesn’t care and his response is “I know he’s not your type so why be jealous?” Sometimes this would make me so upset because while I would be huffing and puffing over him talking to some girl I did or didn’t know he was just as cool, calm, and collective about me talking to a guy he didn’t know.  There were times when I would ask myself “What, does he think nobody out there wants me except for him?” which  when looking back makes me realize how immature I was to relationships.  (Note:  This is my first boyfriend)  I now realize that being jealous can be a blessing and a curse.

When you get into a relationship you don’t expect to have to answer to a person about your every move, “Where you going?”  “What time you get off from work?”  “Who’s gonna be there?” If that were the case we wouldn’t need mates because our parents can give enough of this.  For example, my parents have been married for over 30 years and my Dad seems to get greener with envy every year.  During my younger years of life he was always out on the road and cellphones hadn’t become as affordable (or as tiny) as they are now so whenever he called my Mom was usually at home.  I loved weekends because we would always go to the mall which meant I’d get a new toy and get cookies, but looking back on it I see what my Dad was really doing….checking in on my Mom who just so happened to work at the mall.  Fast forward to 2002 when my Dad got his first cellphone he would CONSTANTLY blow up our house phone asking questions,

“Where ya mama at?”

“What time ya mama went to work?”

“What time ya mama get off work?”

I slowly began to get so annoyed with my Dad and I told myself I would never date or marry someone like that.  Of course you don’t find out some people are this jealous until you get the ring, but why be this jealous to begin with?  I know for a fact that my Mom is a very beautiful woman that doesn’t even look like she’s approaching that 35 years old with 15 years of experience mark, but she’s done nothing to even make my Dad jealous.  Sure lots of men like to look at her and talk to her, but she’s always telling them that she’s married.  My Dad even goes as far as going through her phone when she leaves it at home.  A damn shame right?  It’s gotten so bad that he’ll actually tell ME to call my Mom at her job simply because he doesn’t want to make it out as if it’s him that’s trying to keep tabs.  That’s the type of jealousy that I consider to be bad.  I would never date, marry or stay married to a man that acts as if it can’t trust me because in all honesty isn’t that what jealousy is?  I think in the beginning of relationships when we see our significant other get jealous of us talking to someone else we think it’s so cute like, “Awww, s/he’s jealous because s/he wants me all to themselves.” Two three months down the road when they’re still doing the SAME sh*t thing we’re tired of it and wondering, “Why is s/he acting like this?  Damn!”

Now trust that I don’t mind a little jealousy.  When my boyfriend joined the military and I attended his graduation I remember him going to the restroom and saying, “Don’t let any of these dudes try to talk to you.  I’d hate to have to use my MCMAP on them.” For some reason it made me smile, which is probably due to the fact that early in our relationship he just didn’t seem to care.  I think a little jealousy shows that you know you have something that you don’t want to lose.  Who doesn’t like it when they’re held a little tighter when they’re significant other notices someone looking their way.   It’s a way of showing interest still, but you just have to make sure you don’t cross the line of being that psycho mate that all your man’s/girl’s friends hate because they know you’re not gonna be able to move one inch without your mate asking those questions that have been mentioned before.

Anyone got any opinions?


2 Responses to “Is Being A Jealous Boyfriend Or Girlfriend A Bad Thing?”

  1. Well I dont think there is anything wrong with a little jealousy. It can be healthy and a way for the other person to know that you care about them. On the other hand when it becomes obsessive thats when it is no good.

    I just went through a situation with an ex who had a “fiancee” who went so far as to call me, email me, hack into his myspace, facebook accounts to find out if he was talking to me. This chick went on to threaten me bodily harm. I mean it was clear to me that she was unhinged because throughout all this guess what she did? She stayed with said ex, and its been brought to my attention that they are married, and she was calling my phone not even a month ago.

    Also with your father, all of his actions SCREAM INSECURITY. and also possible infidelity on his part. Most people who are constantly in suspicion of an otherwise faithful spouse is because they feel guilty about the mess they are pulling.

    Just my thoughts.

  2. I think it’s healthy if it’s an extension of how much your SO cares for you. Perhaps in a light-hearted or worried way, it’s alright. But once it approaches the threshold where it could become possessive, that is pretty bad. It’s a total red flag for insecurity.

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