Is My Generation Growing Up To Settle On Being Nothing More Than The Baby Mama/Daddy?
Well, well, well…this entire week I couldn’t figure out what in the hell I was gonna write on here after my last post (Click Here To Read) which got the most hits during my 3 week blog life. Then I went over to Necole Bitchie‘s blog and I had an idea. The post that’s linked up to this blog is a reader’s response to Ms. Bitchie calling the father of one of Erykah Badu’s children her “baby’s father.” The reader basically explained why she finds the word disgusting and I can’t agree/disagree with it more. Just last week at my late Grandfather’s funeral my 13 year old cousin got a tongue lashing for calling my uncle’s ex-girlfriend/mother of his youngest child “Uncle X’s baby mama.” When he said it we were in a limo, but I couldn’t help but stare at him in complete shock for his choice of words. I honestly looked at him as if he said it around the woman or our uncle. Now my uncle was divorced most of my life until recently and he had his slew of girlfriends that he’d bring home during the holidays. This one woman just so happened to luck up and get knocked up by him. Of course no one in the family knew about him expecting a child with this woman until it came into the world. I mean, what divorced man of two would want to have another child as the big 5-0 approaches? The funny thing is that she didn’t show up that entire year to the family events, my uncle just said they’d broken up. My uncle never put a ring on this woman’s finger, but he had no problem having sex with her and bringing a child into this world. Three years later my uncle is married and there’s that “baby mama” lurching. Funny enough when I reflect on this story this is the same uncle who expressed his hate for B-Rock and the Bizz’s song My Baby Daddy back in the 1990s.
Just recently while in college I noticed how many of my old classmates all the way back from kindergarten are getting pregnant by people who are nothing more then boyfriends and 9 times out of 10 they’ll never marry these men even though they think they will. I’ve noticed that these girls are more satisfied with being called “wifey” (I hate that word) or my personal favorite “his wife” when the dude hasn’t even took them down to the justice of the peace to make them a honest woman. I’ve told my boyfriend that if I were to ever get pregnant without having the intentions to he’d have to marry me because my view is that if I was good enough for you to lay down with then I’m sure as HELL good enough to marry and have the actual title of “his wife.” I guess most girls don’t have the same view as me on that subject though because they’re constantly laying down with men who won’t even give them a moment of their time once he hears “I’m pregnant.” Of course I can have this view because I grew up in a two parent home where my Mother got pregnant at a young age, but my Father married her soon afterwards. Like the reader who wrote that e-mail I think that so many girls in my generation are settling on being nothing more and nothing less then the dreadful baby mama. Perhaps these girls get pregnant thinking that it will make the guy stick around despite the problems that their relationships are facing. Then we have the celebrities that are have children with their 3+ year fiancée *clears throat* Carmelo Anthony or the ones who have multiple children with multiple women yet still manage to find a new side piece, but show no interest in settling down *clears throat* Lil’ Wayne. Of course every one can’t be Lil’ Wayne, isn’t that right Blogxilla?
Then I look at the term baby mama thinking perhaps there’s a reason why so many Black women, educated and non-educated, are settling on this then the official name change. In today’s society so many people are getting divorced it basically makes people like myself look at marriage in a negative light. I’ve had my contradicting moments where I’ve said that I just want to have long-term live-in boyfriend who fathers my child which has been met by, “Oh, you just wanna have a baby daddy.” My response would be, “What’s the point in getting married when there’s a high chance of me getting divorced?” People in my generation don’t have many people to look at to shed a positive light on marriage, and if we’re from a two parent home there’s the chance that we’ve heard “I don’t know why I married your a$$.” Even at my late Grandfather’s funeral one of his daughters from an earlier relationship was asked if she was in love and happy to be married again to her first husband and her response was, “I ain’t gonna say nothin’ about that.” It basically just painted the image that she was only married for the hell of it because she didn’t want to be the old woman without a companion besides a cat. It also makes it out that marriage is nothing more then a joke to some people. Another thing that I think about is that a lot of Black women want to marry Black men, but so many Black men are running off marrying women of different races or getting locked up there’s a shortage. So what’s the best thing to do when you know your personal preference in the opposite sex is damn near extinct? Why you stay with them doing whatever you can to keep them happy never pushing them to the point where they want to run into the arms of the White/Latina/Asian girl that’s been staring them down since you grabbed them.
What’s your thought on the situation?